Do you like the reason that you're tired?

As someone who takes perpetual pride in having once quoted The Princess Diaries in a sermon, I am quite pleased to quote the indomitable Anne Hathaway in this post's title, too, albeit 5 months after the quote had its brief moment in the zeitgeist.

I'm realizing it's been a MINUTE since I came on here to post a little update and reflection. In my defense, I've been out here writing papers, studying for midterms, going to choir practice, reading a LOT, and trying to make friends. In short, I have been doing my best to be a seminary student. Which apparently involves a lot of reading and writing and thinking.

And I have been EXHAUSTED. At the beginning of my time here, I realized my same insecurities came with me to school (see my post from September!)... well, I've also been reminded the hard way that my 33-year-old body came with me, too. This same body that needs a snack, Tylenol, and a day of sleep when a migraine hits (something new in my 30s!), the same body with knees that act up, so I sometimes take the elevator instead of the stairs.

You might say, "Well, obviously, you don't get to regenerate when you go back to school. You aren't Dr. Who!" To which I would say, "How do you know I don't get up to wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff when I'm not with you?"

But as I cycled through my list of errands for the day while scrolling Instagram (as one does), I stumbled across a clip from an interview with Anne Hathaway on recent Devil Wears Prada & Mother Mary press tours. Her take was that she IS tired, but that she loves the reason she is tired, and will sleep later. Now, I happen to be very pro-sleeping ASAP, but I empathize with the idea of being mentally tired, physically drained, and needing a break, but also needing to get through whatever next thing is between you and sleep (see: my class this afternoon...).

I also empathize with feeling SO incredibly lucky; I may not be filming movies that make me rich and famous. But I know I feel lucky to exhaust my mind and body by studying and learning here. That doesn't mean that I only have good days. I have had PLENTY of bad days and moments where I am wondering if I made a mistake, or if I should withdraw and come home. But those days are often followed by moments with new friends, theological discussions over lunch, or random working sessions in the library or on the lawn (or, honestly, in the lunchroom....)

Will this honeymoon phase end? Some say yes. (ok, fine, most say yes.) I hope that even if the joy/optimism fade, I won't be left with bitterness and scorn. Rather, I hope I can hold both the joy and the pain in tension. After all, that's what it was like to work for the last decade! The joy of enjoying what we do and the tension of it never being perfectly, exactly something that doesn't "feel like work." It should feel like work. But we should, in theory, be happy about the reason we are working. I think that's perhaps what it ought to feel like to be content. We have complaints (and some days we have MANY), but we also have joys. And

What things are you happy about being tired from? What spaces might God be asking you to lean into and move from bitterness to contentedness?

Also! I now have a Substack if you'd prefer to get my thoughts and updates there.