Wait, why am I crying?

HELLO FROM PRINCETON!

This is officially the first blog post being written to you from Princeton, New Jersey! Thank you so much to everyone who has reached out to me over the past two weeks to check in, say hi, and wish me the best. It has meant a lot!

The answer to the question I know all of you are asking is: I'm doing ok.

Parts of this move have been completely exhausting. Let it be restated: moving is not for the faint of heart! There have been many activities (orientation, classes starting, etc.), navigating (why is it that every school website in existence is complicated?), and rubbing up against the unfamiliar (for all it's familiarity, Burlington did NOT have architecture like this). There have also been many small things that continue to remind me that this is not home, from not recognizing any peanut butter brands in the grocery store to mental temperature & currency conversions, to feeling too old, too young, or too single to fit in. (wait, that's been my whole life! why would those insecurities not follow me here? whoops...)

At the same time, it has been so wonderful to be here. Exploring a new space and setting up a new home has reaffirmed things I already knew about myself: that I know how to take care of myself, and that art and plants help make any place feel much more like home. I have also felt so lucky to attend classes taught by incredible professors and have engaging discussions with so many new, interesting, and brilliant people. I often find myself sitting there feeling like I A. need to step up my game and B. need to pinch myself to realize this is real life!

And all that is to say...there have been highs, and there have been lows, and the lows have really taken me OUT. Why is it that when we are seeing and pursuing good, the difficulties seem disproportionately bad? Why are we so quick to let the little voice of doubt in our minds take precedence over the overwhelming sense of good?

I have always told God that I do not get the hint - he needs to clearly show me open and closed doors. So why, when I am clearly walking through a wide-open door, am I getting so upset about tripping over a pebble? This isn't to discredit any discomfort you or I may be feeling - there is stretching and growing and adjusting to be done when we step into new things and phases. I need to remember that leaning into some of that discomfort and letting God find me in those broken spaces is better than holding onto the well-worn, comforting blanket of where I have been.

I'm not sure where you're finding yourself today - but it's a safe bet to say that something is changing in your life right about now. It's Labour Day (take the girl out of Canada but you can't take the Canadian spelling out of the girl), which is synonymous with back-to-school for many of us. Work and church schedules begin to return to "normal," and we begin the mad dash towards Christmas that overtakes us every. single. year. But I invite you to take some time to sit and reflect on where you've been and where you are going. Are there things God is asking you to pick up or set down? Are there things you need to learn, relearn, or let percolate within your soul?

However you find yourself, may you experience the nearness of God in this season.